Self-Care and Self-love look similar to one another and are often used interchangeably when discussing the topic of emotional healing. Social media often depicts self-care such as facials, manis-pedis, massages, or retail -therapy sessions. All of these are great forms of self-care and provide mini breaks from the stresses of daily life whereas, Self-love requires more than moments of self-care, it requires introspection.

Before my divorce, my self-care sessions were moments of distraction rather than self-reflection and self-care; they were moments of escape. However, after these moments, I would return to reality even more frustrated. Many of us have looked outward for personal fulfillment only to be disappointed or hurt. After a while, you have to learn to look within and learn self-love. This journey will look different for everyone but my journey started like this:

“Say No”. I would say “yes” because I didn’t set boundaries in my personal or professional relationships. I often overcommitted myself to the point that I had no personal time. It was so bad that I bought new outfits because I didn’t have time to do the laundry. Sleep seemed like a luxury that I thought I couldn’t afford. It was hard at first but learning that “no” is a complete sentence and you don’t owe anyone an explanation. It’s a difficult start, but worth it in the end. You will not only set your boundaries but you’ll see people in a better light. Many people love “yes” people. because they’re self-sacrificing. They will deplete their emotional and spiritual reserves to keep the peace and make others happy. By implementing “no,” you’ll see who has been exploiting you and who is your true friend.

Self-reflection: I found journalling a potent tool for self-reflection. It allows you to recognize your shortcomings while documenting where you thrive and where you need to improve. You can pour your soul out on paper and look at your thoughts months or years later to see how far you’ve grown. Personally, writing my thoughts and goals down helps me be more accountable to myself. I had no problems showing up for others and often times neglection my own needs and interests. Be honest in your self-reflection, it doesn’t help you to falsify your faults. Acknowledgment and acceptance are tools in the step to recovery. It’s difficult to improve upon a problem within yourself when you fail to admit you have one. You have to accept responsibility for your role in your life and your relationships. , and accept responsibility for the role you played in the relationship.

Set Boundaries and Standards: Self-Love requires setting boundaries and protecting your peace. Setting boundaries initially will be hard and you may even feel some guilt about them but I promise you, this is a necessary step in your healing. And individuals that have a problem with your new boundaries are the individuals that benefited from you not having standards.

Self-Love is not a final destination. It is a lifelong journey that is filled with twists and turns. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry and you’ll be in awe of what you have and will accomplish. Self-love is not selfish, self-love is self-care that well all deserve.